Friday Garden F*ck Ups

June 14, 2009

I apologize for my potty mouth post, but folks who have met me in real life know I swear a lot, including the F word. Unfortunately, producing a child did not help me clean up my foul trucker mouth. Way back in the super old days I did some whack shit in the garden that I am not proud of, but now it’s kind of hilarious. I thought it would be fun to share some of the weird stuff I did. It’s not like people emerge from the womb with green thumbs.

Yep, that’s right. That’s a puny little tomato cage in the tire rim on a table with a Loropetalum chinense. Why? No reason, I just thought maybe it would be needed and we had it, so I jammed it in. I’ll use the excuse that this was before I had an iphone and could look everything up at any moment, including “is it necessary to cage this shrub?”

The other f*ck up here is planting a shrub that can grow up to six feet tall in a tiny little tire rim with not a whole lot to keep the dirt from washing out the bottom. Reading the plant tags can be helpful, but I often ignored them. I’m not even going to talk about the shopping cart. It gets worse…

May 29, 2009

There’s a lot of terrible things going on here. So this pic was taken before the first one. Instead of planting the poor Lorapetalum in the ground I set it over on a table with the same tomato cage. That poor baby cape honeysuckle is being imprisoned by an old towel rack. It eventually grew through it and was a mess to chop down and remove. I should have known it could grow 15-20 feet tall, but again didn’t look at the tag. Hell, I thought it was a real honeysuckle, like the kind that smell good. It’s not. Can you tell I shopped for plants at Home Depot back then? Don’t even get me started on the scotch moss and baby tears you can see (those were Matti’s choices). There’s a whole f*ck up post dedicated to baby tears in the future, the other two died.

April 5, 2009

Check out that classy umbrella! Our upstairs neighbor Jim installed that to keep his remote thermometer from heating up in the sun. We eventually moved it to a shady spot, with his permission of course and took down the umbrella. I will say, that when we moved in our other neighbors had filled the backyard with junk. There was even a nasty couch back there. Keep in mind this was a rat playground. Our Outer Sunset SF garden had twice as many rats as the Bayview one. They used to fight in the trees which was always nice when people were over. Them, “What are those weird noises coming out of the tree?” Us, “Oh it’s just the rats, they don’t all like each other.” As soon as the junky neighbors moved out, we threw out tons of crap and started our budget rental garden transformation. Hopefully this helps you feel a little better about some weird/embarrassing thing you did with your garden. I have many more of these to share.

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